Being parents of young adults is not always easy – you can only do so much as life’s eddies and tides flow to and from. This is from “Notes To Stephanie: Middle Aged Love Letters And Life Stories”.
The ebb and flow of life. Life, like the ocean’s tides, rises and falls around us doesn’t it my dearest? Like the ongoing messes with our bunch of kids. One set of children calms down while the other set of offspring presents us with a new set of issues.
This rise and fall of waters that is sometimes rough pulls at our heart strings and tugs at our very being. If we did not feel these things we would not care for our common brood. But we do feel these things and thus we know we love our kids and feel for them, especially when some of them are hurting due to worrisome and negative forces besieging them that are outside of our household and our direct control. And are certainly not within their power to directly influence in some cases either.
I guess this seemingly constant series of ups and downs is just the nature of life at this stage of our existence perhaps. We see events that certainly indicate our kids are growing up, but also events that indicate that they still have more lessons to learn and choices that they must eventually make so that their adult lives will be good.
The difficulty with this situation is that we, in different degrees, want to solve their problems and be done with the difficulties. But therein lays the dilemma. We can’t solve their problems ultimately. They as adults, or young adults, still have the responsibility to make their own decisions and choose their own path, wherever that leads them for better or worse. We can only watch and facilitate at this juncture. We can’t do everything for them like we could when they were little. Even though with hearts that ache for them, and sometimes eyes shrouded by tears for their hardships, and even agonies, we can really do so little for them.
Knowing that and watching them succeed or fail is hard since we love them. But sitting in our spectator’s seats while they are out on the field playing the game of life is what we must do. They have to make the calls and execute the plays in order for them to grow up into good and responsible adults. We can’t do that for them. If one still tries to do that it will also make it hard to enjoy our own game and its plays. While we love our kids and will help them, we have to live our life too. We can’t live their lives for them. Remember, there is nothing wrong with enjoying what we have with each other; we have the right to be with each other, and happily love, and joyously live our own lives as we get older together. Our four kids will hopefully realize these truths as they mature and they themselves one day get to the same stage of life as we now find ourselves in. Thus, life will also ebb and flow for them too. The tides of their own life oceans will find their way as it has ultimately with ours.
Jeff To Stephanie June 1, 2007