You Said You Had A Fear Of Being Left

The poet Maria Rilke Ranier had some words in one of his books that has always touched me. The theme he wrote about is found below. This is from “Notes To Stephannie: Middle Aged Love Letters And Life Stories”.

You said you have a fear of being left, due to the Papa Charlie et al literally dropping you off at ACU, death, and other things you experienced during your life. I can understand why such things weigh on you my dear, the few times you had some sort of stability it ended abruptly. Now in the present time with the old house issue you have a fear in the back of your mind, driven by those events that left you empty and not cared for, that I might leave you if something bad happened in reference to that.

Well, not to worry my Stephanie dear. That won’t happen ever, at least until I die of course. Being married to someone means you do stick by them “for better or worse” you know. It does if you really love the other person. And I really do love you. So I am not going away. And I will not forsake you. Life provides a variety of ups and downs, which will always be true. People who are not true blue are the ones that might wilt like a flower in the hottest sun on a summer day, but not me. I have a bit more fortitude than that. Besides being loyal to you as your husband, might I not need your support one day when something befalls me personally? The assurance that your spouse will be by your side is one hallmark of a good marriage. We have that as
part of our relationship my Stephanie. Always remember that.

Both of us have been through trying times before my love. And both of us have survived such trials, and have been made better persons as a result. Even bad times can bring good times when they are past. The night becomes day as it were, or there is no sunshine without the rain as you have said many times. Thus, one must always keep this cyclic nature of life in mind as you live day to day. You have to remember that difficult times seldom remain present forever so that you can continue to live each day and not be troubled unduly.

Remember this quote I have told you about before, and maybe written to you about as well? “Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave”. In other words, even something bad may have something good within it, or around it. At least that is what I think the poet Maria Rainier Rilke meant. And lo and behold, you were asked to interview for the vice principal’s job today. Right before your eyes now there are things that are both good and bad swirling about. Perhaps the poet was on the right track.

Therefore, one can look forward to better times ahead even though the present may also bring doubt and uncertainty. Together we have a good life, even though rotten things happen that beset us. And together we always have our love which binds us and brings us happiness. Truly that will conquer any force that may try to bring unhappiness to us and we too will become “beautiful and brave” for the rest of our years.

Jeff To Stephanie May 21, 2007


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