The Day It Rained Green Chicken

This is from “Notes To Stephanie: Days Remembered”. Exploding parrots?

Like most guys, I truly enjoyed gross humor. The day you told me about the parrot mass extinction at Kimmel was a day that should be recorded in the history of such humor.

To begin this tale, let us paint the picture of the scene that day. Years ago, a pair of parrots escaped from someone’s house into the neighborhood around the school. These big green parrots started breeding. These non-native birds lived in communal nests that sometimes contained dozens of birds of all ages and rose vertically up utility poles. These nests became more numerous as did the birds. The school adopted them as unofficial mascots. No one harmed the birds, and they blended into the surroundings. But one day, it all changed—rather explosively.

The nests were filled with their excrement and waste. These fluids conducted electricity. And they did in that nest on the pole that fed power to the school. A short occurred early one morning, and thousands of volts of electricity flashed into the nest teeming with birds, just as kids and teachers arrived at school for classes. The intense heat flashed the fluids in the nest and in the birds themselves into steam , making the nest explode outward onto the grounds of the school’s east side. Birds were cast outward with the debris for several yards. Many lay dead and literally smoking; some twitched in their death agony flash fried by the electrical bolts, while others were simply in pieces all over the parking lot.

Amidst this sudden scene of carnage, little kids were walking through the debris along with their teachers—everyone in shock. The school building was dark; the power cut by the explosion. Some of the kids were upset seeing their school mascots laying about them roasted alive like fried chicken at some restaurant. I still remember your description of the field of dead birds and debris—some of the poor creatures were still smoking and scattered around the school. Later the school district called in people from maintenance to clean up the mess. The kids got sent home. While this event made the news, there were not any known photos or videos of the aftermath. Only the memories of those present that day can now recount this unusual tale.

When you told me all of this, I thought that when I was a kid we would have loved this as opposed to being upset like many of the kids were that day. All of us would have been overjoyed and would have laughed at the sight of the blasted birds and especially the darkened school. So what if dozens of birds died to free us from classes? It seemed the kids were more sensitive to things like that than we ever were.

So a darkened school surrounded by a lot of cooked parrots was the scene that day. What was really funny, was the fact that residents in that area trapped and ate the parrots, calling them “green chicken.” Some of your students described that culinary fact to you one day. So a new way to cook green chicken was found, albeit using a recipe that would be very hard to repeat. But it was a dish worth remembering by people who enjoy weird humor created on “The Day It Rained Green Chicken.”

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