As I am now in the process of getting an editor to review “Days Remembered” I looked back on my first book, “Notes To Stephanie: Middle Aged Love Letters And Life Stories” at some my favorite or meaningful Notes there. And here is one. It covers a concept all of know to be right and true but sometimes find hard to practice.
Forgiveness. Yes forgiveness is a two-way street my darling. We must forgive each other but also ourselves. It is obvious that both of us sometimes have hurt the other through our fault driven actions. But also, we hurt ourselves by blaming ourselves for things that have happened to us or to our children. Now if we had done things deliberately to each other, or to our kids, or even to ourselves, to cause hurt then forgiveness would be a difficult thing to justify. But in our case, our mistakes were just that, mistakes. Not premeditated actions intent on hurting others.
Also, until time passes, just how does one know if something was a mistake sometimes? After the time a decision is made, the correctness of the path it dictated may later come into doubt by the appearance of new information or more wisdom. Things that one day seemed to be the logical may later become inexplicable.
Because it is impossible to exactly know if an action is really the correct thing to do, one has to forgive one’s self for things that are later found to be mistakes. If you don’t, you could judge your whole life to be a failure or a source of woe to yourself or to others.
Yes we will all fall short, as we both have, but in the end our hearts are true and our intentions good to ourselves and others. Since we are good people we have to be able to forgive each other and just as importantly ourselves. To do otherwise would mean forever suffering angst about what might have been done better instead of learning from our shortcomings and applying that hard-earned knowledge to improve our lives by making better choices. So we must always tell ourselves the past is both gone and our actions were OK and move on down the road of life with better directions for the journey that will unfold along its length. That way, we will make fewer wrong turns at its forks.