The Day It Rained Green Chicken

You might think everything I write about is serious and thoughtful.  But not so.  Some of the pieces in “Days Remembered” will be funny.  The one below is my favorite funny tale involving some green parrots.  Be warned, if you don’t like gross humor skip  this one.  I will also say that like all of the tales I write about it is true. This really happened in 2007 and was mentioned on the local news.

Like most guys I truly enjoy gross humor. The day you told me about the parrot mass extinction at Kimmel was a day that should be recorded in the history of such humor.

To begin this tale let us paint the picture of the scene that day.  Years ago a pair of parrots escaped from someone’s house into the neighborhood around the school.  Big green parrots that started breeding.  These non-native birds lived in communal nests that sometimes contained dozens of birds of all ages and rose vertically up utility poles.  These nests became more numerous as did the birds.  The school adopted them as unofficial mascots.  No one harmed the birds and they blended into the surroundings and no one cared.  But one day that did changed rather explosively.

The nests being populated with large numbers of the transplanted avians were filled with their excrement and waste.  These fluids of course will conduct electricity.  And that they did in that nest on the pole that fed power to the school.  A short occurred early one morning and thousands of volts of electricity flashed into the nest teeming with birds just as kids and teachers arrived at school for classes.  The intense heat flashed the fluids in the nest and the birds themselves into steam making the nest explode outward onto the grounds of the school’s east side.  Birds were cast outward with the debris for several yards.  Many lay dead and literally smoking, some twitched in their death agony flash fried by the electrical bolts, while others were simply in pieces all over the parking lot.

Amidst this sudden scene of carnage little kids were walking through the debris along with their teachers in shock.  The school building was dark, the power cut by the explosion.  Some of the kids were upset seeing their school mascots laying about them roasted alive like fried chicken at some restaurant.  I still remember your description of the field of dead birds and debris, some of the poor creatures still smoking and scattered around the school.  Later the school district called in people from maintenance to clean up the mess and the many parrot corpses.  The kids got sent home.  While this event made the news there are not any known photos or videos of the aftermath. Only the memories of those present that day can now recount this unusual tale.

When you told me all of this I thought that when I was a kid we would have loved this as opposed to being upset like many of the kids were that day. All of us would have been overjoyed and would have been bursting out with laughter at the sight of the blasted birds and especially the darkened school.  So what if dozens of birds died to free us from classes?   It seems kids these days are more sensitive to things like that than we ever were.

So a darkened school surrounded by a lot of cooked parrots was the scene that day. What is really funny given the way the birds died is the fact that residents in that area trap and eat the parrots calling them “green chicken”. Some of your students described that culinary fact to you one day.  So a new way to cook green chicken was found, albeit using a recipe that would be very hard to repeat. But is a dish worth remembering by people who enjoy weird humor created on The Day It Rained Green Chicken.

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